Thursday, June 19, 2014

About me

“Tell me about yourself” he asked.
Ah, if only I knew enough of myself to say that
Or words enough colorful and imaginative
To put into language 
The spirit, character, attitude
(Or those disgusting attributes)
that sustain me.

The universe of memories that sew
Up the fragile, yet powerful sinews of my existence
The uniqueness, the boldness of 
The lattice that forms this confused bundle of cells
Carefully calculated with an ulterior motive;
,
The tears that heal my invisible scars, 
The warmth that welds the 
Million brittle pieces of my heart intact
The thoughts that wrought my significant position as an
Insignificance among a billion similar, all 
make me too
Complicated to be put in words- After all, My dear,
I’m a being.

Living like bubbles

Struggle, struggle
With toil and trouble
Go through it all, then
Pop like a bubble
(Inspired by Macbeth. Of course

When a writer's pen stops working

That was my pen, before.
Lapped up every last drop of ink hungrily
And spewed them all out in just the right
Shape, the right amount, for the right meaning,
Blowing life into its royal blue color recipe
To craft breathing alphabets that animated 
Into words that I remember
Were mischievous, but adorable babies:
They used to talk, walk, play, cry and sleep;
Oh, they used to live on their vast white landscape,
Reviving my memories with their 
Own connotation- my innovators.

But my pen is a teenager: unpredictable and moody,
It now creates stubborn, sterile letters that just want to besiege
The tip, clog right there and not drop out.
Even if I jerked it awake now, my pen would just puke some 
Little droplets shaped like letters that would
Blot the paper ugly, or, the words would exit deformed, like
Their genes had gotten affected by a nuclear bomb.

Oh, what have I done to enrage you, my love?
Did I over-feed you, or under-appreciate you
That your self-esteem decided to turn upon me,
Or become so dependent on you that my mind has dulled
Its imaginations far too dry now, 
For you to shape them well?

My verses now wilt and die, 
New lands in the paper just get wasted, alarming me
For land is a limited resource in my house, the earth.
But land is not the ultimate problem,
For there are a thousand landscapes I could pull out of my imagination;
Only if my pen would love me once more 
And reproduce my ink faithfully,
I could be a writer again.

Letter to ‘Mr.Right’ From ‘The Modern Indian Woman’

Hey fellas! Here's another one, as published on women's web! See it there with many other awesome articles at http://www.womensweb.in/2013/05/letter-to-mr-right-from-modern-indian-woman/ !
--
Dear ‘Mr.Right’
This note to you is all about some demands and requests that have come from many hopes, expectations and experiences; this letter is for you, so that you don’t get surprised by my expectations later in life, and so that you remind me of when I’m neglecting my own rules, because this note is for both you and me, for the ‘us’ to work without wearing out.
I know everything may seem just perfect in the initial stages of love. I may look like the most beautiful thing to us, the most perfect, and ideal. But time is not so kind for we may have to gradually witness terrible shades of each other revealed, those ugly truths that may emerge from the inside and outside. Tough situations may remove the illusion of love, but I hope you’ll still accept me. These tests will run every day for us; right from waking with messed up hair and groggy eyes in the morning, which is not a most aesthetically pleasing sight- which is well when we may come to realize the harsh truth, even ‘the right one’ can be imperfect.
modern Indian womanThere are some things I’d like to let you know. I feel it’s important to reinforce this because there will be so many stones to tumble upon in the way of our ‘perfect’ relationship.
I’m a modern woman.
The first thing is that I will not change who I am, not for you or anyone. Only after loving myself enough will I have the strength to love you, because I believe dignity is most important. I am also an independent woman. This, you may be unfamiliar with, as many are in sexist India(which is sluggishly but definitely trying to change), but you must get used to it. I will respect you as an individual, and I hope that’d be reciprocated. We do not own each other; we are complimentary, yet free.
I don’t follow what others do. There could be a thousand ‘inescapable’ trends, but you’ll find me fight many of them. I don’t care what path the others may choose, but I’ll take that one which will suit me best, a way that’s may be different from yours. But I ask that you hold my hand to support me even as we experience our the different adventures that come along our own way, and not try to push me over the stumbling blocks or hope that I’d never dare venture individually, myself. I wish that you will care for me and protect me, and also accept when I may do the same to you.
We belong to the same species- Homo sapiens – which means that you are in no way superior; neither am I. I expect that you take equal responsibility in every stage of our life together- housework, child upbringing, because these and a thousand other Indian misconceptions are not equal to ‘woman-work’; because actually, they are ‘human-work’.
I may seem tough but I have my fragile points, and hazy times, just as you. I hope our arms will be open to comfort one another when we’re low.
We may get frustrated a thousand times. The voyage of love does not come easy.  There may be frustrating times when the relationship feels unbearable, broken, times when love turns to hatred and anger, when the future looks bleak and dark, but know that, with optimism, courage, trust, and the power of both of us, we’ll somehow manage to light a candle. Please don’t ever lose hope or faith in me. True love, I know will never die. Please remind me when I forget, that silly fights, vague outsiders, stupid situations, none of these, nothing, is worth our precious bond.
I hope you’ll see right through all my defenses and understand me. I hope you’ll confide in me, and listen to me when I’m low. I hope you will be not just a lover to me, but a best-friend, a protective father, and a complimenting brother.
Most of all, I want you to recognize me as a unique personality with flaws and pluses, and love me for just that.
Yours,
The modern Indian woman


Sunday, March 9, 2014

Rumors

Rumors-
flourish like wild fire,
Fuelling Some-
 But
                  Burning many.




Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Timeline of an illiterate girl

There are so many girl children in India who are uneducated. The real question is: What are we doing to help fight illiteracy? As published on women's web: http://www.womensweb.in/2013/11/an-illiterate-girl-in-india/

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As I was taken out of my laboring mother’s womb, my grandmother was the first to look at me. And she started crying even before I did. Her shrill screech of horror resonated across the room louder than my mother’s pain: “oh no…it has happened…. it’s a GIRL!” She had expected a productive ‘heir’ to the family, a man, a protector who could earn and help the family prosper; not this useless dummy-piece of the girl was later going to be sold with dowry that the family wouldn’t be able to afford. Soon, my father retired to one corner with his head in his hands. That was how I received my welcome, on the very first day I dawned- I was looked at like I was not an infant, but a harmful stone that had been removed from mom’s womb. Later that day, some of my relatives suggested that I be killed or dumped to rot somewhere, disposable as I was. But dear dad took pity on me, and so I have lived long enough to come to this state.
I’m happy that I didn’t understand all this hatred towards me as a girl, when I was little. The truth of my position in life started dawning only later on me. I understood it the first time, as a five year old girl. My cousin brother who was also my age, was to attend school the very first time. “Get him oiled, and bathed, and ready. He must look well groomed! He’s going to the school!” I remember my grandmother say. “What about me? I want to look nice too. Take me with ram! I want to go school!  It will be big and nice and I can play! I know there are nice teachers and books!” I told my grandma, who uncomfortably shifted in her place and exchanged looks with my mother, whose face looked downtrodden upon my innocent words. Of course she knew that I, as a mere girl, wouldn’t be allowed to attend school.
So I never went.  I stayed at home. When I was little, I used to help mom clean the vessels and listen to the gossip of the old ladies on the verandah whenever I got bored.  I used to stare longingly at the beautiful books that ram took to school every day, and envy the way they got bigger every year. Sometimes, I would sit to look at those books, but I wouldn’t understand a word.  Mom soon gave birth again, and to everyone’s delight, to a boy.
In other times, I would look outside at the bus that shuttled back and forth between our village and the town, and wonder how the big, sophisticated town would be like. But I could only go if dad took me, but I was too scared to ask. I knew ram’s school took him on trips to see and observe the town, many a time. He also seemed to be able to easily join in adults’ complex talks of big numbers and cities outside our state, though like me, he was only eight that time. The only news I knew were the local gossip and who fought with whom and which woman has the most marks from domestic abuse. I was terrified because I knew my situation was going to be the same one day.
When I turned twelve, I was sent to work at the construction site of a large house in my village, for a wage of about fifty rupees every day, so that our family could continue to pay for ram’s increasing cost of education as he passed through higher grades and also support the little new arrival of my brother to the family. Ram now sometimes read those enormous paragraphs about money and things on the newspaper. Meanwhile, I learnt to cook a hundred meals to tailor the varied likings of my dad and, then, ram. After working ten hours at the construction site, I would come home and help mom clean up, and then take care of my little brother. At night every day, grandma used to tell me about how I should be when I grew up. She would tell me I’d get married in a couple of years and about duties as a woman. I was a girl, so I had to be humble, I had to be wise enough to rise above my own longings and sacrifice boundlessly. I was a girl, so I should learn to tolerate every sort of treatment, and bear my family’s weight till it crushes me. As a wife, I would have to surrender the utmost god, who my husband, to me, would become. I had to be strong, fully selfless and absolutely tolerant and limitlessly submissive. “Never raise your voice. Don’t give your opinion if it’s not requested for. Don’t have contacts with men, as you are growing older. Otherwise, I’d be an incapable woman worthy of scorn...” and so she would preach. This was my only education.
Then, a disaster befell. Mom got severely ill, and then died.
Dad then told a twelve year old me that I was in charge of all the household duties.  For a couple of years after that, I was the new mother in the family, to my little brother and to my cousins including ram. Doing household chores and taking care of everyone became my life.
Then, just as my grandmother’s words had it, I was married at the age of fifteen. I saw my groom the hour he was to marry me. Following the duties that had been so well etched on my heart, I showed nothing on my face and remained silent. He looked okay, but his manner was disturbing to me. I could, of course do nothing about it. That evening before leaving with him, I went to my mother, and cried. She cried with me.  The groom, she told me, had been dad’s decision. She had tried to convince dad to not accept this man’s proposal, but as he was the only affordable groom with a relatively moderate dowry, dad had to subside.
Soon I joined my village club of abused women, but I was luckier than most. Most of the time, this man acted lovingly.
Soon, I got pregnant. This was the most joyous time of my life, and for a while he was completely gentle. And then my baby, another girl child was born. I accepted her with all my love, though the same reaction didn’t emerge from the rest of my family.
One fine night, when our child was one, my husband left me. Searches were made, and my dad nearly collapsed in terror, women picked hungrily on this fresh topic, and I was stricken with fright and anxiety. But he was not found.
After that, I returned again to my father’s house, to raise my daughter.
Today, several years later, I am helpless. I still do not know the alphabet. My dad has died. My daughter is married. Today, with no literacy, I hover, in midair. With no honor, no source of income. I don’t know who to reach for. I am now, a beggar on the streets, who saw you as you passed by me today.
I am not alone. One in every three girls in India is illiterate. And oh yes, we are in a very good position in life, as you can see. And this is your country, India, just as it is mine. What are you doing about this issue?

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Homecoming of a petal


The fresh breeze dances lightly
On the tips of the dangling dewdrop
And slides on smoothly on my
Back. The juicy sun shines on
The edges of my rosy sheath
As I flow down with time through the air
And sway, driven by crowded thoughts
And imaginations invading the air, to
Lazily glide and land on a lush
Green bed that soaks my
Skin with effusive moisture
And love,
So much love.